08 January 2011

Contra poem

when you whispered into my ear
that time has never nor will ever
truly exist I became a little crazy
or then maybe it is just the lights
flashing and there being nothing
to call a tomorrow on my hands
just a gray area becoming more
and more sweeping in its reach
as almost taking over yesterday
when you were sleeping here in
my bed which you now want to
take away just because it would
make your metaphysical system
work like wonder in the eyes of
some random beholder in some
even more random future that I
think is not even possible given
the premises you have signed as
being okay and please don't take
this personally but I think you're
not going anywhere without me
for I am the key to all that keeps
you awake at night while others
deemed ignorant call out names
of demons to gain confidence in
order to approach someone who
they in some deep level do hope
to love in the same poetical way
that I as a simple little twat have
always and will always love you

enough? not quite for there's something else
I want to tell you so please dont hang up on
me for I know that just a second would pass
and you would already regret it like one can
be imagined to regret a suicide after nothing
is solved but instead everything deemed evil
just continues to bother a poor soul and what
I imagine is that the agony goes on in a place
somewhere without our lovely time and space

I am sorry
for I think
this looks
pretty bad
like as if I
might start
a dive from
the edge of
my mind to
a pit which
is not to be
glamorized
even by the
best of our
playwrights

just give me a sec to
catch my breath and
I will speak out that
which made me call
you at oh my is it 3?

oooshhhhshhoohhhh

what I wanted to say was that I know this is a small piece of eternity
and I have finally become humble in front of it and thus am ready to
acknowledge it to be ok for you to live your life in the way you will
live it and there is really nothing I have to say about the choices that
you have or are to make because I know there isn't anything I can or
even would wish to change with my poor judgment which is mostly
motivated by fears that I have picked up along my long path to have
as a stupid fucking souvenir from this life of chaos that I've chosen
to live for the past whatever years and you know how I am and how
all my actions are motivated by my stupid idea about objective truth
lingering there somewhere beyond the reach of any mind that is best
described as being a confused drunk retarded blind navigator with an
absolutely disproportionate ego that keeps on screaming at every turn
about its opinions on how to reach pleasure and to avoid pain but now
I truly have understood that there is no pleasure or pain but qualitative
experiences that I as an independent experiencer can give the meaning
I wish to and to take stress from the actions of others is nothing but me
chewing my own tongue so please do go to sleep and do what you will
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