22 July 2011

Arsy




“the problem we have with arsy is that he is what he is. an asshole. you know what is the most annoying thing about assholes? their behavior escalates, because they cannot honestly face themselves but instead blame all their wrongdoings on others. and if not consciously blame, then on some other weird level they experience at least resentment towards those who have been more or less willing partners in their behavior, or merely around them. why? because they cannot face themselves on any level.

back some weeks ago I took myself out at night to spend some time on cliffs overlooking the city, smoking and photographing. as I sat there while bats flew around me in rapid patterns I thought wow, am I happy to be in my company. not alone in the company of somebody else. not in the company of an asshole. if I would be like arsy, those moments alone would be just filled with my mind lying to itself about itself in order to hold it all together in the company of myself. hold it together for what, well, to have a good time I guess. 

I think there is some sort of a logical contradiction going on in arsy being so social. he is good with people, like they say, always finding something common to discuss and brave enough to look everybody in the eye. maybe, just maybe, his sense of self is so fluent and all over the place that it is actually easier for him than for most to adjust himself to a variety of characters. and that very arbitrariness might extend to his values, to his sense of morality, and when combined with the amount of people he adjusts himself to, constantly, he actually does not know between right and wrong at times. he steals, lies, cheats, all of those things, but not daily. just you know, sometimes. 

well, in those times when he is the most far away from himself, I like to believe, because I do think he is a great laugh.”
“I want to say something and I promise you, I don't know what I am quoting;

program yourself to feel, with depth enough to know what's up and heart to sense the real.

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