the breath of helsinki is visible in tree seeds flying through the air like snow. one cannot be sure about them not being from cottonwood while sweating in a park with two gorgeous women.
“charlie? you know when you know you are a dyke? when a girl is talking to you and you, for some distinctly physical reason, cannot hear what she says even though your full concentration is on her.”
“why, that can happen with men, too. like, when your mind escapes somewhere to spend some private time with itself, leaving you just standing there as nothing but your mute soul. happens to me all the time with all kinds of people.”
“yeah but you are a man. us women are here with our keen minds all the time, ready to pick and gather every cherry in sight.”
jackie clears her throat and laughs, and knowing her they all know she is about to play it all into a more deeper gag,
“I am a rather strange queer in admitting openly in every possible opportunity, like now, that I do not believe my being gay to have anything to do with my genetic make-up or any other argument we have to support determinism. I chose to be gay. the social roles I decided to adjust myself to in my childhood, the types of things I decided were worthy of my attention in my early teens, and the douches who came to embody my relationship with the opposite sex in my late teens and early twenties were all my choices. I repeat, my choices. what I grew up into being was not the result of a deterministic process but a random hit and miss excursion which could have been lead by people who I looked up to and who saw my potentials as a human being while having a long, lived experience of how it is to be one, but, unfortunately, those people just weren't around. there is not just one choice behind anything that grows to define an individual. it is a whole chunk of choices all intertwined somehow and thus in the reach of one's very own consciousness.”
“which means that you should be able to choose yourself out of being a butch.”
“I could. but I like myself this way and other people appear to like me as well and my life is pretty decent, so why aim at heteronormativity? it would be such a long process I would barely be in the age to reproduce when I got through my reprogramming into heterosexuality. so fuck it.”
“plus men are douches,” says eudokia and passes the dutch as jackie leans closer to whisper as if it wasn't meant to be heard by charlie,
“yeah they are.”
“thank you, ladies. sitting out here in the open with gays and individualists I get the feeling of being there when a dream of a thing called the soviet union was shattered out of reality, and I cannot hear anymore what you two gorgeous beings are saying as I drift back twenty years. I think I want to go and party like boris jeltsin tonight.”
“thank you, ladies. sitting out here in the open with gays and individualists I get the feeling of being there when a dream of a thing called the soviet union was shattered out of reality, and I cannot hear anymore what you two gorgeous beings are saying as I drift back twenty years. I think I want to go and party like boris jeltsin tonight.”
