25 September 2011

Gay = happy

the gayest possible music insinuates itself into my consciousness through the ether. grand gestures are being made all around me by a flock of people, grand gestures like firm palms bouncing off chests bearing joyous hearts to point into a distant above. where the hell am I?

I walk through the smoke filled, dimly lit, spaced out room onto the terrace. the cold, moist air strangles my body to wrap around itself as I lean to an iron balustrade, lighting a black cigarette. the thought of the brand name, black devil, amuses me warm when I place the sugary flavored tip on my lips. 

as I turn my gaze away from the glimmering city lights, I notice a blind girl sitting on the ground, leaning her arched back to an amphora shielding alluring dahlias from the slight fall wind. either she's not aware of my presence or then I am hearing her soliloquize,

the dark nights let the stars begin their shine
   affirming the reflection of mine in the sky

can count a hundred things thought in unison
   sharing a sphere but not the same horizon

suddenly, I recognize this place. I am where everything appears extraordinarily real through being structured to form ever so sensible, solipsistic space. I am inside of my mind.

my metamorphosis into the devil's hound began after sleeping with gogol. the memoirs of a mad man looped all night somewhere in the back of my mind without having the form of a language, but an indescribable sense of the reality reflected in them by a long ago dead, crazy russian,

“oh, what cunning creatures these women are! now I have found out what a woman really is. hitherto no one knew whom a woman really loves; I am the first to discover it - she loves the devil. yes, joking apart, learned men write nonsense when they pronounce that she is this and that; she loves the devil - that is all. you see a woman looking through her lorgnette from a box in the front row. one thinks she is watching that stout gentleman who wears an order. not a bit of it! she is watching the devil who stands behind his back. he has hidden himself there, and beckons to her with his finger. and she marries him - actually - she marries him!”

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